Some of these questions may bring up memories you haven't thought about in a while. A familiar weight. Something you talked yourself out of naming. That is not a mistake. That is the point.
This inventory was built to surface the patterns most common in unhealthy intimacy. Not to diagnose you. Not to tell you something is wrong with you. To give you language for what your nervous system has already been carrying.
You are not broken. You are paying attention.
You can go at your own pace. You can step away and come back. If something brings up more than you can hold alone right now, please reach out to someone who can be with you in it.
This inventory draws a fresh set of questions each time you take it. Returning to it deepens accuracy. You can complete it up to twice per week.
This inventory references frameworks from the Power and Control Wheel, Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs, Duluth, MN. It is an awareness tool, not a clinical assessment.
Safety Resources
If this inventory surfaces something urgent: National DV Hotline 1-800-799-7233 · RAINN 1-800-656-4673 · Crisis Text: text HOME to 741741
Based on what you recognized, your experience may have included:
Everything you selected is listed below. Tap any item to understand why it is considered a pattern of power and control.
About this inventory: Patterns referenced here are drawn from the
Power and Control Wheel,
developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), Duluth, MN. This is an awareness tool, not a clinical assessment.
Your Power & Control Wheel
Spokes you confirmed glow gold. Tap any spoke to explore that pattern.
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Pattern Landscape
How your patterns cluster across the eight categories
Recognizing patterns does not mean you are weak. It means your nervous system adapted to survive what it experienced.
Explore with C.O.D.E.X
Ask one question about what came up. C.O.D.E.X lives inside the full portal - this is a single preview.
C.O.D.E.X
Preview · Reflective · Non-validating
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Continue with C.O.D.E.X
C.O.D.E.X lives inside The Relationship Codex portal. Your full practice deepens as you go. It is reflective, somatic, and structurally designed to help you see more clearly, not agree with you faster.
Free access includes Spot the Pattern · Premium opens C.O.D.E.X + full portal
Based on your results, these pathways are most relevant to where you are right now.
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Spot the Pattern
Recognize the unconscious dynamics driving your relationships. Built on attachment theory, nervous system science, and the Duluth Model. You're already here · go deeper.
Understand your patterns, regulate together, communicate clearly, and repair with honesty, accountability, and compassion. Designed for the work that comes after noticing.
Lise Bourbeau, Your Body's Telling You: Love Yourself! The five soul wounds (rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, injustice) inform the emotional pattern mapping in this tool.
Dr. John Gottman & Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, The Gottman Institute. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling as predictors of relational rupture.
Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn as adaptive responses to complex trauma · informing the attachment and pattern sections.
John Bowlby & Mary Ainsworth. The foundational research on secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment · the basis for the attachment pattern inference in your results.
Dr. Stephen Porges. The neuroscience of safety, threat response, and the social nervous system · the science behind the somatic descriptions throughout this tool.
Catherine Cook-Cottone. The framework mapping the physical and emotional cost of consenting to things one does not genuinely want · informing the consent-related patterns in this inventory.
It's okay to feel confronted by what came up here. There are no wrong answers · just what's true for you.
Take a moment. What feels true?
Why this is a pattern of power and control
What it can feel like from the inside
Referenced from the Power and Control Wheel, Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), Duluth, MN. This is an awareness tool, not a clinical assessment.
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